If have been nagged by one of my brothers to write more positively on my blog. So here goes. I am sustained by my family and friends who make living with mnd just bearable and without them it wouldn't be. My wife, Julie, is very caring and she has worked wonders in looking after me. Having said that she nearly killed me last week. We were at the golf club and she put my neck support on which I have on to help me raise my head when I am drinking with a straw. Julie was chatting with Debs, the Swetty Sock bar manager. Now they are apparently used to me making some noises, like coughing or similar. The neck support was so tight I was unable to breathe. As I gasped and turned blue so they noticed and Julie immediately released the neck support. They were pissing themselves laughing. I know it's dark humour perhaps but I saw the funny side.
I got her back a few days later when we were at the golf club again. A visiting Rotary Club was in the bar when we came in. One of the gents watched as Julie brought me in, she took off my coat and blanket, and held my drink as I sucked the straw. He said Arn't you nice to him? "
I typed in and played at high volume " she pretends to be nice when we are in public, but when we get home she slaps me about "
My son, Ben, is 26. He is working up at the Barbican in Central London as a recruitment consultant. He was the first to join after it was started by the owner Jamie. They specialise in high level banking appointments particularly in risk management. He is doing well. Ben is also a talented musician and can play drums, guitar, piano and sing. He was trained at ACM The Academy Of Contemporary Music in Guildford. He plays drums in two bands currently, one called the Brass Kats, and the new one called Circles. Ben currently lives in a log cabin in our garden with his girlfriend, Amy, and two cats, Annie and a terror kitten called Millie.
My daughter, Abi, is 22, and is halfway through a ski season in Meribel. She is having a whale of a time and whilst I miss her, we email regularly and she speaks to Julie most days so I am kept up to date. I would rather she be there having fun than be bored at home and she deserves it having got a First Degree in History at Warwick, followed by a Merit in her Masters degree at Kings College London.
Abi has a new boyfriend called Tom whom she met two months before going out to the Alps for her ski repping in Meribel. Tom visited her las18/02/2011 t week and they still get along fine. I have my concerns, he is an Arsenal fan.
My family are all supportive in their own way. My son takes me to most Chelsea home games. Abi, when here fusses to make sure I am ok and entertained. My sister Christine visits when she can but she did her bit 48 years ago when she married Michael, my brother -in-law and life long Chelsea fan who interested me aged 4 in football and The Blues. My brother Rob is a scientist and he has been available to help with research in various advances in the search for a cure for mnd.
Brother Alan has been very helpful in a practical sense He designed and helped build the ramp from the drive to our front door so I could access the house in my wheelchair. also, when my arms stopped working meaning I couldn't hold a glass or cup, designed a velcro solution. He also made a tray for my wheelchair.
Friends :earlier in my blog I wrote a piece called Qui Gobulat Vincit, in which I said " you only find out who your friends are when the chips are down. That is certainly true. I have been blessed with friends who have surprised me with the levels of support and care they have shown. Brian [Grandad] Lawrence has been a rock of support from the time I was first diagnosed. He visits regularly and he project managed the building work to our house free of charge to enable the alterations to accomodate a raspberry ripple. He also has helped in raising funds for my eyegaze computer, my wheelchair headrest control, which is paid for but I still await delivery, and he was helpful in getting £100k for stem cell research to find a cure for mnd. In this respect Grant Needham has been brilliant. He agreed to help when asked by Brian and Grant looks after a trust fund that donates to charitable causes that he feels are appropriate.
Tony Williams, former Captain of Cuddington Golf Club and he was captain when I first became ill, put himself out to run Julie and I up to Harley Street or Kings College Hospital in his Lexus and nothing was too much trouble and he wouldn't take any money for petrol or parking. Bernard Cullen and Tony Butler were Captains of Royal Mid Surrey Golf Club and Cuddington Golf Club respectively and both made the Motor Neurone Disease Association their club charities last year raising over £50,000 between them. It seems few wish me to pop my clogs yet awhile even though Graham Leaper used to say " the only good estate agent is a dead one. "
Julie used to play golf at Cuddington too, and the Ladies Captain this year, Mary Young, is making her charity the MNDA.
I have previously mentioned that Andrew Richardson is doing a lot to help along with Christies Estate Agents and The Turkey Club by arranging golf days.
Along with Brian /Grandad Dave Shave and Tony Sparkes come round every Tuesday to spend a few hours with me when we have a chat, I tell a few jokes, and we watch a film. Primarily this is to give Julie a break and a chance to spend some time with the other Cuddington Babes. Last week Tony had taken up smoking again after giving up for over 10 years. While Tony was out having a puff Dave asked me to have a word with him "As he might listen to you. " I typed out and played my reply " Dave, I don't see why he would heed what I say, I gave up smoking about fifteen years ago and look at the state of me. Dave Shave cut my hair this week, he used to be a hairdresser, and after he finished cutting he said " Do you want anything on it? " I answered " Yes, a pair of knickers, you have made me look like a right c***".
I used to eat in the Regional Thai Taste in Cheam and Andrew Richardson told the owner of my illness and how my business was run down and sold, her name is Chim. She came to see me last week and told me she will run the London Marathon and get sponsorship to support the cause.
Our old friends Sue and John Edwick amazed me at Christmas. They are not wealthy people but they gave us a high spec laptop computer because Julie was having to spend a lot of time in a different room to me and they understood how difficult that was for us. This is particularly kind as both of them have been very ill of late and still are.
I have a lot of support and encouragement from so many people both at the golf club and elsewhere, all I can say is a BIG THANK YOU.
Saturday, 19 February 2011
Friday, 11 February 2011
SHIT HAPPENS AND KEEPS HAPPENING
No, it's not enough " said the man in the sky, so he can't walk, talk, move his hands and arms, eat, or keep his head up because his neck is weak. His business folded because he chose the wrong partners, so he can't provide for his family as he always did. What does he still do that he likes? "
I know, he likes a coffee in the morning and a glass of ginger beer in the evening. Now he will get a bad chesty cough whenever he drinks. That will be good for a laugh."
I know, he likes a coffee in the morning and a glass of ginger beer in the evening. Now he will get a bad chesty cough whenever he drinks. That will be good for a laugh."
Sunday, 30 January 2011
FACTORY STORY
There is a factory in Essex which makes the 'Tickle Me Elmo' toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms.
Well, Michelle is hired at the 'Tickle Me Elmo' factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 am.
The next day at 8:45 am there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door.
The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee.
He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.
The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor. When they get there the line is so backed
up that there are 'Tickle Me Elmos' all over the factory floor and they're really beginning to pile up.
At the end of the line stands Michelle surrounded by mountains of 'Tickle Me Elmos'. She has a roll of plush Red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles.
The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between
Elmo's legs.
The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches Michelle .
'I'm sorry,' he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, 'but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday...'
'Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles.
Well, Michelle is hired at the 'Tickle Me Elmo' factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 am.
The next day at 8:45 am there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door.
The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee.
He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.
The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor. When they get there the line is so backed
up that there are 'Tickle Me Elmos' all over the factory floor and they're really beginning to pile up.
At the end of the line stands Michelle surrounded by mountains of 'Tickle Me Elmos'. She has a roll of plush Red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles.
The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between
Elmo's legs.
The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches Michelle .
'I'm sorry,' he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, 'but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday...'
'Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles.
GROUNDHOG DAY
a normal day for me starts with me waking up in bed, in the same position I went to sleep in, and either waiting for my wife to get me up or the two nurses who come every morning. They use a hoist to get me into a shower chair /commode. They shower me, shave me and dress me and transfer me to my wheelchair. Once Julie has had her shower and got dressed we go to Costa coffee for about 10:35. Then at between 11:30 and 12:00 we come home and I get on the computer and emails. Recently in Costa I have been reading "the girl with the dragon tatoo" on my kindle for pc. At about 5:00 we go to the golf club for a drink. At about 7:30 we come home and watch telly until the nurses come between 11:00 and 11:30pm. Occasionally I get a treat to break the Groundhog Day feeling. We might go to see Chelsea play, which I enjoy, or we might go to a medical appointment at Kings College Hospital or St Georges Hospital, or else we go to Kingston, shopping. Now when I was healthy and could walk and talk I hated shopping, so imagine how much fun it is when you are in a wheelchair and can't talk. funnily enough it is not so bad as it makes a change from the norm and defeats the Groundhog. Except when I get left in shop doorways and the bra department of Bentall's. Some might think that's a good thing but, believe me, sitting there for twenty minutes plus various women hovering closely looking at underwear made me feel quite uncomfortable and a bit of a perv.
Friday, 28 January 2011
FINANCIAL TIMES
You've read the papers about the Irish Bailout Package. ?
It is a slow day in a damp little Irish town. The rain is beating
down and the streets are deserted. Times are tough, everybody is in
debt, and everybody lives on credit. On this particular day a rich
German tourist is driving through the town, stops at the local hotel
and lays a €100 note on the desk, telling the hotel owner he wants to
inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick one to spend the night.
The owner gives him some keys and, as soon as the visitor has walked
upstairs, the hotelier grabs the €100 note and runs next door to pay
his debt to the butcher. The butcher takes the €100 note and runs
down the street to repay his debt to the pig farmer. The pig farmer
takes the €100 note and heads off to pay his bill at the supplier of
feed and fuel. The guy at the Farmers' Co-op takes the €100 note and
runs to pay his drinks bill at the pub. The publican slips the money
along to the local prostitute drinking at the bar, who has also been
facing hard times and has had to offer him "services" on credit. The
hooker then rushes to the hotel and pays off her room bill to the
hotel owner with the €100 note. The hotel proprietor then places the
€100 note back on the counter so the rich traveller will not suspect
anything. At that moment the traveller comes down the stairs, picks up
the €100 note, states that the rooms are not satisfactory, pockets
the money, and leaves town. No one produced anything. No one earned
anything. However, the whole town is now out of debt and looking to
the future with a lot more optimism. And that, Ladies and Gentlemen,
is how the bailout package works.
It is a slow day in a damp little Irish town. The rain is beating
down and the streets are deserted. Times are tough, everybody is in
debt, and everybody lives on credit. On this particular day a rich
German tourist is driving through the town, stops at the local hotel
and lays a €100 note on the desk, telling the hotel owner he wants to
inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick one to spend the night.
The owner gives him some keys and, as soon as the visitor has walked
upstairs, the hotelier grabs the €100 note and runs next door to pay
his debt to the butcher. The butcher takes the €100 note and runs
down the street to repay his debt to the pig farmer. The pig farmer
takes the €100 note and heads off to pay his bill at the supplier of
feed and fuel. The guy at the Farmers' Co-op takes the €100 note and
runs to pay his drinks bill at the pub. The publican slips the money
along to the local prostitute drinking at the bar, who has also been
facing hard times and has had to offer him "services" on credit. The
hooker then rushes to the hotel and pays off her room bill to the
hotel owner with the €100 note. The hotel proprietor then places the
€100 note back on the counter so the rich traveller will not suspect
anything. At that moment the traveller comes down the stairs, picks up
the €100 note, states that the rooms are not satisfactory, pockets
the money, and leaves town. No one produced anything. No one earned
anything. However, the whole town is now out of debt and looking to
the future with a lot more optimism. And that, Ladies and Gentlemen,
is how the bailout package works.
I HATE WINTER SO HERE ARE SOME JOCULAR MUSINGS
THE LOVE DRESS
A woman stopped by, unannounced, at her son's
house.
She knocked on the door then immediately
walked in. She was shocked to see her
daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally
naked.
Soft music was playing, and the aroma of
perfume filled the room.
'I'm waiting for Justin to come home from
work.' The daughter-in-law answered.
'But you're naked!' the mother-in-law exclaimed.
'This is my love dress,' the daughter-in-law
explained.
'Love dress? But you're naked!'
'Justin loves me to wear this dress,' she
explained.
'Every time he sees me in this
dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravages
me for hours.'
The mother-in-law left. When she got home she
undressed, showered, put on her best perfume,
dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and lay
on the couch waiting for her husband to arrive.
Finally, her husband came home. He walked in
and saw her lying there so provocatively.
'What are you doing?' he asked.
'This is my love dress,' she whispered,
sensually.
'Needs ironing,' he said, 'What's for dinner?'
A woman stopped by, unannounced, at her son's
house.
She knocked on the door then immediately
walked in. She was shocked to see her
daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally
naked.
Soft music was playing, and the aroma of
perfume filled the room.
'I'm waiting for Justin to come home from
work.' The daughter-in-law answered.
'But you're naked!' the mother-in-law exclaimed.
'This is my love dress,' the daughter-in-law
explained.
'Love dress? But you're naked!'
'Justin loves me to wear this dress,' she
explained.
'Every time he sees me in this
dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravages
me for hours.'
The mother-in-law left. When she got home she
undressed, showered, put on her best perfume,
dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and lay
on the couch waiting for her husband to arrive.
Finally, her husband came home. He walked in
and saw her lying there so provocatively.
'What are you doing?' he asked.
'This is my love dress,' she whispered,
sensually.
'Needs ironing,' he said, 'What's for dinner?'
Saturday, 22 January 2011
FUNERAL FOR A FRIEND
for those who wonder Millie is she is a six week old kitten that belongs to my son, Ben and his girlfriend, Amy.
This week Julie and I attended a funeral for a 68 year old golf club friend. He was a Scot and he was a generous man in terms of hospitality to his friends, particularly outside the UK where he owned properties in Portugal and Thailand. But in England and especially at the golf club he lived up to the Scottish stereotype. He apparently died from a heart attack after taking too much of the cheap Thai equivalent of viagra. This is both tragic and ironic as he died a multimillionaire. I had to go to the funeral, not only to pay my respects to someone I liked and who was a chracter down the club, but also to see if they got the lid on his coffin.
This week Julie and I attended a funeral for a 68 year old golf club friend. He was a Scot and he was a generous man in terms of hospitality to his friends, particularly outside the UK where he owned properties in Portugal and Thailand. But in England and especially at the golf club he lived up to the Scottish stereotype. He apparently died from a heart attack after taking too much of the cheap Thai equivalent of viagra. This is both tragic and ironic as he died a multimillionaire. I had to go to the funeral, not only to pay my respects to someone I liked and who was a chracter down the club, but also to see if they got the lid on his coffin.
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